Things I love, and some I don't

What is sweeter than a sleeping child? Not much. I love going in, after the boys have fallen asleep, to steal a cuddle and a kiss. They are certainly their most angelic laying there, all snug in their beds. I love that Nathanael insists on sleeping with his "baby" and lately Rudolph too. Except I don't love it when I want to get him down for bed or nap and I have to go track one of them down. I love that Sam sometimes wants to sleep with some friends too, usually just when he's afraid. It makes him seem so small, and I want to keep him that way. What I do not love is hearing their voices call out "Mooooommmmmyyy, Moooommmmyyy" or "Daddy, Daddy" fifty-million times after we've tucked them into bed. This happens every night. Nathanael has miracle ears and must just lie in wait for the first creak of the stairs that he hears. If we dare to trespass near his door, he immediately starts his calling.

I love when the boys are tender and kind to each other. It does my heart good to hear them playing together without fighting, or to hear Sam sweetly say "Natey, I love you". It gives me hope that they can be friends and enjoy one another as they grow into young men. What I don't love is hearing them beat on each other constantly throughout every day, yelling at each other, followed most often by Nathanael sobbing for justice. It's exhausting. It's frustrating. It makes me feel like a failure.

I love feeling my tiny baby swim around inside my womb. I do. It's the most enchanting, amazing feeling. A feeling I will surely miss when I am finished growing this final child. I love how Nathanael wants to "see the baby" every morning when he wakes up and frequently asks if the baby is ready to come out. I love that Sam often comes up and encircles just my belly to give the baby a hug. The above picture was taken a week and a half ago, when I was at 21 weeks. I'm pretty sure the belly has doubled in size since then, a definite point that I do not love. I also do not love the spider and varicose veins that are popping out all over my left leg. Yeah, real attractive. I don't love how achy my back is. I sure have been loving some cantaloupe, though, despite the fact that one of the doctors I saw told me to hold back on the fruit (and carbs) if I don't want another big baby. Seriously? I guess I'll be giving birth to a big 'ol Thanksgiving turkey then, because I already gave up Diet Coke; I'll be danged if I'm going to give up carbs and fruit too! What on earth would I have left to live for?

I love the smell of a brand new, glossy-paged book. It's intoxicating. Lately, I've been feeling prickings in my heart to be a better person. Admitting a problem is the first step, and kindness is an area of weakness for me. Anyhow, yesterday I started reading this book and I've already come across some really inspiring quotes (between breaks to sniff those glorious pages).

“The cultivation of Christlike qualities is a demanding and relentless task—it is not for the seasonal worker or for those who will not stretch themselves, again and again.” Spencer W. Kimball

“The average woman today, I believe, would do well to appraise her interests, evaluate the activities in which she is engaged, and then take steps to simplify her life, putting things of first importance first, placing emphasis where the rewards will be greatest and most enduring, and ridding herself of the less rewarding activities.” Belle S. Spafford, ninth Relief Society general president