Spring Break 2014

For the first few days of Spring Break, Paul had planned to take the boys on a camping trip to Hunting Island. I was looking forward to a little break from all the noise, fighting, cooking, cleaning. I had big plans for my time alone. Of course I'd still have Claire, but she naps and goes to bed early. I was excited to just have some downtime to myself. The plan, or so I believed, was for the boys to be gone from early Monday morning until late afternoon/evening Wednesday. But in the end all I got was half the day Monday until Tuesday evening. I'll take what I can get, I guess, but oh how I could have used just one more day.

Upon their return, I heard tales of being covered in tiny baby ticks, having to drive to the showers and then being told they weren't supposed to be using them because they were staying in the primitive site (luckily they'd already showered), and having to break down camp in the pouring rain. Paul's been begging me to go camping as long as I can remember. Telling me stories like that isn't exactly selling the idea to me! The boys, of course, were oblivious to any discomfort or inconvenience. They had a great time swimming, playing on the beach (Nathanael would be pleased if the world were one giant sandbox), eating special camping meals that included junk food that they aren't accustomed to (Doritos were tops on their list, but they also enjoyed oatmeal cream pies, s'mores, etc), and just being boys. 

The only other event that I had planned for the break was a small Easter party. Some time back, probably around the time that stores started putting out their Easter merchandise, Sam asked if we could have an Easter party with little cups of jelly beans at everyone's seat. Though I knew planning an extra event would stress me out, because keeping the house clean for guests always does, I decided to oblige. I rationalized that pretty soon Sam won't be requesting such things and I better enjoy it while it lasts. So, we invited only a small handful of people, had story-time, a craft, light refreshments, and the main event- the Easter egg hunt. No jelly bean cups. It was low-key, and I thought it was perfect. The kids had fun, I don't recall any tears, I only got stressed out once or twice about children with dirty shoes going back into the house, everyone went home, and my house was still mostly clean afterwards.

Easter Sunday Claire and I wore new outfits. I've never really made a tradition of new church clothes on Easter Sunday, but I did manage to carve out some time to do a short shopping trip to the mall on Monday, after the boys left for their camping trip, and Claire had gotten a dress for Easter from Mimi. There's not even a family picture or anything. Because we don't do that. At the last minute we did decide to join the Easter festivities at my parents' house. By the end of the afternoon, surely everyone else wished we'd not come, but things started off well. Mimi provided an egg hunt for the kids. Then we ate lunch. Finally we needed to leave in order to make it to Paul's family's house and so we headed for the van. Max and Nathanael had been playing outside most the the time and were, at this point, in the front yard. Max went ahead and climbed in our van, as he normally does, and insisted he was coming too. Not feeling like taking him back inside or arguing with him, and figuring we would be the first thought when he turned up missing, we just took him with us. Not more than 7-10 minutes later, as we walked in the door to our house, Robin called, hysterical about if we had seen Max when we had left. Lesson learned: missing child pranks do not result in amused or happy families. 

Addiction Recovery

It has never been my goal, as a parent, to have electronics-addicted kids. Being a "gaming" addict, to me, means being lazy, unproductive, and socially maladjusted. I came up with the game plan, before kids even entered the home, that we would never own a gaming system. Now, I don't believe that video games are all together evil or bad, but when they are readily available, it's just too easy to get sucked in and waste too much time on them. It's so much easier to say "no, you cannot play video games" if you don't even have a system. Perhaps having the system would be a good opportunity to teach moderation, but I'd rather just avoid the battle altogether.
My view on the kids and television is similar, but additionally, I'm more concerned about content. There just isn't much on TV that's fit for viewing. There's not much that's fit for adults to view, much less innocent little ones. Even programming that is deemed appropriate for children is filled with adult humor, violence, and obnoxious, disrespectful behavior. We stuck to PBS cartoons as long as possible
That being said, my kids are addicted to video-games and cartoons. Though we don't have a gaming system, we still have a computer and the elementary school promotes various video game websites. We also recently got Netflix and Sam discovered Pokeman, among other things. All day, every day, the boys are harassing me to either watch TV or play on the computer. I can only say no so many times before I start to lose my sanity, and, admittedly, sometimes it's just easier to have them out of my hair. But this is not what I want! They have outbursts when they don't get it, just like withdrawals from any addiction.
Recently I had also been evaluating my job as a mother and how the kids are turning out. It's easy to view others' lives from the outside and become discouraged. I think we've all got our own successes and failures, but sometimes our own shortcomings are more obvious to ourselves than our successes. Sure, I handle spending and cooking pretty well, but I yell at my kids too much and my boys fight nearly nonstop. Meanwhile, I see another mother who speaks in gentle tones in situations that would send my head spinning, and siblings who love and help one another.
I don't know that I'll ever get to a point when the little things don't bother me and when I never yell. But I'm hoping to give these kids enough loving, happy memories in their childhoods that, perhaps, when they are grown and resent me for all the mistakes, it will be counterbalanced by their memories of how hard I tried. I want to be close to them when they are grown and I want them to be best friends. So, lately after school, instead of sitting at home, where they will beg to isolate themselves on the TV or computer, I've been taking them to play. My hope is that by playing together, unimpeded by media, the boys will discover how much they enjoy one another, and that they will also learn how much more fun and fulfilling it is to actually engage in life rather than seeking entertainment from images on a screen. Admittedly, I could use a bit of that lesson myself.
Recently I found a list of the best playgrounds around town. We had never been to any but one of the ones on the list. So we've been going to them. Sometimes I just take Nathanael and Claire, while Sam is at school.

Sometimes we go with cousins.

Sometimes we go with friends.

Sometimes we go as a whole family.

Sometimes I just go with the kids.

But it's always fun. The boys always play together. They always still fight, but mostly they get along.
We've found some really cool parks. The boys are remembering how to play nicely together and use their imaginations. They are running and sweating without complaining. They are including kids they've never met before in their games. They are coming home dirty and tired and asking to go to the park more often. On a recent Saturday family trip to a park with a nature trail, Sam learned what briers are! Imagine an (almost) 8 year old boy not knowing what briers are!
Our family isn't perfect. Most days I feel discouraged by how much time has already elapsed in their childhoods and how much I've already screwed up. But I love my family fiercely and so I keep plugging along and trying.



Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

- First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles